Stress Ruining Your Relationship? With everything that we have going on in our lives today, it is no surprise that personal stress has become a constant
companion. If you are like most people, you feel like you are always on the run, without enough time to even acknowledge that you are running on fumes. Too much stress equals relationship dissatisfaction.
Author: KimBerry
Codependent Relationships – Signs of Being Too Needy?
Codependent Relationships – Signs of Being Too Needy? We can learn a great deal about how to identify unhealthy dynamics of codependent relationships? For many couples, friends and even family members this typically includes a series of dependent behaviors by either person in a relationship, which may also be enabled by the other person in the relationship. Codependent people tend to look for other people to help them feel better about themselves. They modify parts of themselves to fit what they think someone else needs from them. A codependent person will “rescue” someone else to the point that he or she becomes dependent on the “reward”of being needed.
Codependent Relationships – Signs of Being Too Needy?
Dothan Counseling offers some indicators that you may be codependent in your relationships:
1) Overresponsibility for the well being of others
2) Doing anything to hold onto a relationship even though the other person does little to nothing in return
3) Feeling guilty when you voice your own needs
4) Fear of being alone
5) Constant need for approval
6) Lack of trust and value in yourself
7) Feelings are hurt when someone does not recognize all you do for them
Being codependent and caring for others to the sacrifice of your own needs can quickly get overwhelming and exhausting. Stopping unhealthy behavior in codependent relationships can be achieved by learning to value and care for yourself first and then taking care of others will fall into place.
Should You Move in Together?
Should You Move in Together? Living together has become a natural progression for couples. Many couples think of living together as a trial run for marriage before tying the knot. There are many upsides to living together and new adjustments couples can benefit from experiencing first hand, life changes that can answer many questions about your relationship.
Relationship Therapy Dothan
Relationship Therapy Dothan. In my work with couples, at Dothan Counseling I see women who are working very hard to make their relationships work. There are 3 common mistakes these women are making however, that is making their man run away as fast as possible. Do you accidently push him away? Here are the biggest ways women can push their man away:
1. Negativity. When a woman feels insecure in her relationship, she makes statements such as, “You are getting tired of me, you must want someone who is more successful, thin, prettier, etc than me.”. Or, “I have just had such bad luck with relationships, you are probably going to leave me too, aren’t you?” Believe me, no man has ever decided to commit to a woman because she “needed” him or because he felt “obligated” to her. Exude confidence and he will be more apt to want to be with you.
2. Testing him. Maybe your insecurity causes you to create scenarios to “test” his commitment and loyalty to you. You may pick a fight or do little things to make him jealous just to see how far he will go to prove how much he cares for you. These are sure fire ways to make him doubt your commitment to him. So you can see how quickly this approach can backfire.
3. Letting old patterns get in the way. I have discovered that at the root of most relationship problems, there is fear. Fear of two things:
1) rejection.
2) abandonment.
Sometimes when a woman fears that a man is pulling away from her, she will act out in ways that make this result come about. In many ways, out of fear, you can sabotage a relationship before he has a chance to do so.
Strong emotions can cloud a woman’s judgement in relationships, causing her to do things that bring a relationship to a screeching halt.
Have you ever done any of these things in your relationship? Relationship Therapy Dothan at Dothan Consoling can help you navigate these issues.
Doing an inventory to weed out the behaviors that push him away, may be just the thing to turn your relationship around.
When Your Relationship Seems Like “Just One More Thing To Do”
Does Your Relationship Just Seem Like One More Thing For You To Do? If so, you may be experiencing relationship fatigue.
If you are a woman, I don’t have to explain to you that a woman’s work is never done. There are always at least 12 more things on your to-do list! Between being a mother, wife, employee and homemaker, it is easy to view your time with your boyfriend or husband at the end of the day as “one more thing that needs my attention.”
You might even start to think of your partner as being too needy or feel resentful that he cannot just see what needs to be done to help out. THEN you might feel like being intimate with him on a more regular basis. Sometimes, our problems seem so overwhelming that we forget that he, too, may just be trying to make it through the day.
5 ways to bring energy back to your relationship
- Recognize that you have to let him know what your needs are. He is not a mind reader…no, not even with you! Let go of the notion that “he should know” what you need and tell him.
- Look at it from his point of view. The tasks you think need to be done right now may not be on his “urgent” list. Talking to each other about who will do what and when can be extremely helpful in these situations. It is normal for couples’ agendas and timelines to be completely different.
- Make time to recharge everyday. Have you ever been running around, frantically trying to get everything done and your partner is kicked back, relaxing and watching TV? Instead of getting upset, look for ways that you can get more relaxation in your life. Evaluate your priorities and see what can be left undone until the weekend. Can some of your chores be hired out? Once you start looking at it, you can always find ways to fit more of “you” time into the day. Even 15 minutes can make a huge difference.
- Make time for things that matter. Your partner really matters to you, right? Remember the ways he brings companionship, intimacy and security to your life and how you two are building a future together. Isn’t that worth reserving some of your daily energy for?
- Think about how nice it feels to be appreciated, valued and cared for. Remember that he needs to feel these things too. Shift your focus to him and start giving him the things that you need in return. It’s funny how things like that circle back to you. Give it a try!
Putting your attention toward these five points will begin to reduce your relationship fatigue, and put back fresh energy into your partnership.
5 Ways Women Sabotage Relationships
5 Ways Women Sabotage Relationships. You just don’t understand. You do everything right in your relationship but there are still problems! Here are 5 ways that you may be contributing to relationship sabotage!
1. Communicating too much
Yes, the key to a healthy relationship is communication. But too much of a good thing can be, well, too much. Facebook, texting, email and instant messaging provide constant contact all day long. How do you have time to miss each other when you are in constant contact? What do you have to connect about when you are together at the end of the day? Besides, learning about every detail each other experiences during the day can quickly lead to boredom and boredom can be deadly to relationships.
2. You don’t see yourself for the beautiful person and great catch that you are
Do you insist on “lights out” when you are intimate? Does the thought of your sweetheart seeing you without the strategically placed blankets make you cringe with anxiety? While these may seem like your issues to work through, they can actually have a huge effect on your relationship. When you do not feel sexy and confident, you do not feel like having sex. Without sex, it can seem like the two of you are just really good friends. If there are things about yourself that you are not comfortable with, then find a way to change them. But remember this, the things about yourself that you just KNOW your man is turned off by are more than likely not even concerns to him. He thinks you are beautiful…so the next time he tells you so, believe him!
3. You bad mouth him to your friends and family when he makes a mistake
As a woman, you know how differently men and women are wired. Is he insensitive at times? Of course. Does he say the wrong thing at the wrong time? Yes! But choosing to focus on the negative things about him and dwelling on these can alter your perception of him and damage the bond between you. Remember that he is a good guy and that he does do kind things for you. A simple shift in mindset to focus on the positive will make a huge difference.
4. You take great pride in how much you give and how much you do for him
At the core, women are nurturing and caring. Sometimes we are extremely giving in our relationship. It becomes a problem when you start to feel that your man does not do nearly enough for you. You start to be a “martyr,” telling him and others, “Look how I am treated after all I have done.” Here is a secret: Men like for women to be a bit selfish. They like that they do not have to feel obligated or overly needed by you. It frees them up to WANT to be with you.
5. Expecting too much from him
If you are like most women, you have fantasized about that perfect man since you were a little girl. The way he will sweep you off your feet, take care of you, bring you roses for no reason, plan fantastic vacations for the two of you. If you start to expect your fantasies as requirements that your boyfriend or husband must live up to, then that can be a problem. For example, if you have a set idea of what the perfect birthday gift would be and he comes up with a sweater you are not particularly crazy about, then there is a gap between your expectations and the reality of who your man is. This is not to say that having fantasies and a wish list for your relationship is wrong. It can be exciting! It turns into relationship sabotage when the fantasies cause constant disappointment in your relationship. Focus on the great times you and your sweetheart have together and the thoughtful things he does for you and your bond will strengthen.
Contact Us
10 Things Never to Say to The Man You Love
10 Things Never to Say to The Man You Love. Words can ruin any relationship in a matter of minutes. You might have been together for years, but once you say one of the things women should never say to men, you may end up with heartbreak. Women tend to be highly sensitive, but men, albeit they are brave and patient, can get hurt too.
Some men are like children and it’s hard to build a serious relationship with them. But if you love such a man, you should avoid being clingy and needy, because they are actually clingy and needy. Moreover, they don’t like when you say something that they don’t want to hear. Even if you will run away from a needy man, it’s important that you avoid saying one of these things to men.
10 Things Never to Say to The Man You Love
1.YOU ARE A MAMA’S BOY
Personally I avoid this type of man because any wrong word about him or his mother can ruin your relationship in a jiff. This is a lesson I learned that you should never say to men from my own experience.
2.TELL ME MORE ABOUT YOUR EX
You will never win his heart with this question, as well as you will never improve your relationship when you know about your partner’s exes.
3.LOOK THAT GIRL LOOKS SO FABULOUS!
First, you may say that you’re just curious and you simply want to know his thought. But if he says “yes,” it will be the end of the world. If he says “no,” you will think that he’s trying to hide the truth from you, and it will be the end of the world as well. Ladies, it’s a sure sign of low self-esteem.
4.YOU CAN’T HAVE FUN
If you’re dating an introvert, you should accept this fact and appreciate your partner’s traits. You love parties and you know how to have lots of fun. Your partner, however, may not like parties, but it doesn’t mean that he can’t have fun. Think twice before telling him, “you should learn how to relax and have fun because you are so shy and boring.”
Once you tell him that, he will never want to see you again, no matter how much he loves you. Introverts know how to relax and they are not shy. They know how to love and they are loyal, but they are highly sensitive. After all, introverts make the best husbands!
5.AM I BEAUTIFUL?
Well, ladies, if you want to boost your confidence and self-esteem, leave your man alone. While men can help women boost confidence and feel better about themselves, you should never ask your partner “Am I beautiful?” If he really loves you, he will tell you about it without your questions. If your man doesn’t compliment you, it doesn’t mean that you are not beautiful. Probably, he doesn’t love you at all.
6.YOU HAVE A TERRIBLE FASHION SENSE
7.WHEN WILL YOU CALL ME AND I SEE YOU AGAIN?
He will let you know when you will see again and when he will call you, so don’t ask him. It’s not pride, but being clingy is not the best way out.
8.IT’S JUST WORK
You will do it better next time. You are strong and I believe in you.” Support your partner and he will cope with any problem faster.
9.YOU WILL NEVER BECOME SUCCESSFUL
10.WHEN WILL YOU START MAKING MORE MONEY?
Why Do Newlyweds Cheat?
Why Do Newlyweds Cheat? Spring is here and as summer approaches, we officially enter wedding season. We’ll watch couples exchange vows and hit the dance floor before taking off on their honeymoons and, supposedly, years of wedded bliss.
However, even newlywed couples, who glow so brightly on their wedding days, are cheating on their spouses not too long after they say, “I do.” According to a study at the University of Washington Center for the Study of Health and Risk Behaviors, men and women admitted to cheating at a rate of 20 and 15 percent respectively, which is higher than 15 years ago. So why are newlyweds so vulnerable to infidelity?
Women’s Health reported on why newly married men cheat. “Marriage hits guys harder. Compared with dating and an engagement, marriage is serious business. It can seem like a drag, especially to men.” Men can feel a lot of newfound pressure once they tie the knot, especially if he feels he must take on the role of provider and model husband. This stress can lead to straying outside the marriage to re-live his more relaxed days of dating.
The Internet also plays a role on why newlyweds can be unfaithful. Men and women who contemplated cheating before, but did not have the time or energy to go through with it, now have the opportunity to fulfill their desires almost hassle-free. It can be just as easy as a few clicks away to find someone for a date or for sex.
Why Do Newlyweds Cheat?
Another factor to be considered, even for those in the earliest years of marital bliss, is that if one partner has cheated before, he or she is more likely to do it again. Maybe the best thing to be aware of is whether your man has a history of following his wandering eyes.
So while we all dream of nuptials and rings and receptions, infidelity can occur, even at the beginning of marriage, no matter how beautiful the wedding may have been.
Consider pre-marriage counseling at Dothan Counseling
Contact Us
Think You Have to Be Perfect to Have a Great Relationship?
Think You Have to Be Perfect to Have a Great Relationship? Here are 15 signs of a healthy and good relationship from Dothan Counseling:
What does a healthy relationship look like?
If can differ from couple to couple, but there are some universal elements that in all real relationships that are happy, healthy, and strong.
-
You make the relationship your top priority.
There is no doubt, your marriage or partnership is THE most valuable part of your life. If it’s not, it should be. It should come before your work, hobbies, extended family, and yes — even before your children.
As a couple, you are the centerpiece of your family, and if the couple isn’t strong, the family isn’t strong.
Both partners MUST be committed to putting the relationship as their top life priority. This can’t be just empty words.
You and your partner should reinforce and demonstrate this commitment in your daily, even hourly, efforts to keeping the relationship healthy and thriving.
-
You communicate openly and regularly.
You make it a habit to check in with each other every day or every few days to get a pulse on your connection.Both people feel safe and free to express concerns, disappointments, and frustrations, and both of you feel motivated to find resolution or seek compromise when necessary.
You each express your feelings kindly and directly, without using passive aggressive behaviors, manipulation, or stonewalling. You don’t hold things back or shove them under the rug to avoid confrontation.
In fact, confrontation isn’t part of your communication style. You feel compelled to get things back on track because of your love for each other and your deep value of the relationship itself.
-
You create emotional intimacy.
Emotional intimacy is the closeness you share together. You feel free and secure to express your fears and vulnerabilities without being shamed or demeaned.
You have a high level of trust, transparency, and openness between you based on your love for each other and the years of shared experiences.
Emotionally intimate couples can share their deepest selves and are able to express the depth of their feelings for one another. In this context, each person feels wholly accepted, respected, and worthy in the eyes of their partner.
Emotional intimacy can be fostered by becoming more familiar with your own feelings, needs, fears, and desires. You must be self-aware in order to be intimate with another person.
Emotional intimacy also requires that you spend quality time together, away from daily stress and distractions.
-
You create sexual intimacy.
Emotional intimacy is the foundation for a healthy sexual relationship, and the combination creates a deep bond between two people.
When you have emotional intimacy, you are free to express what you desire sexually — and you are free to give fully to the other person.
Sex is not just a physical pleasure or release but rather an expression of your deep love and closeness. Emotional intimacy makes room for play, exploration, and complete safety in the bedroom.
You can still have sexual experiences with each other that are primarily physical, but you can do so with the security of the deep emotional connection you share.
-
You spend time together.
You can’t nurture the relationship without spending time together. This time is more than just being in the same house or spending time together with children.
You need to prioritize time for just the two of you. You need the space to enjoy each other’s company, to share interests and experiences, and to have fun.
Many relationships fall apart because the partners are basically living separate lives. Each person has their own interests and obligations, and they don’t make time to be together.
They allow the demands of life to fill their hours, and then over time, realize they have nothing in common and very little to say to one another.
If you don’t share common interests, develop some that you can enjoy together. Or step out of your comfort zone and engage in one of your partner’s interests. Don’t allow work, children, or other distractions to take precedence over this important time for the two of you.
-
You speak kindly.
What words and tone of voice do you use with your spouse or partner? Do you sound detached, irritated, sarcastic, or demeaning?
Always speak kindly to the person you love. Do so even if they speak unkindly to you. Your words have more power than you can possibly imagine.
-
You are affectionate with each other.
Non-sexual touch like hugging, holding hands, kissing, and cuddling is vital to a healthy relationship.
Studies have shown that couples who enjoy regular physical affection tend to be happier and more satisfied with their relationship. They also recover more quickly from conflict.
Even if you aren’t completely comfortable with affection, practice being more affectionate with your partner. Make a point to connect physically several times a day.
Over time, you’ll feel more affectionate and create a deeper emotional bond with your partner.
-
You inspire and support each other to be better
You offer this support not just in your words but in your actions. You show your spouse that you want them to succeed. You help them reach their goals and dreams, and you certainly don’t undermine a goal that your partner has because of your jealously or indifference.
Each person profoundly wants the best for the other and lovingly challenges the other to reach their full potential. You see the positive qualities in one another and reflect them. You don’t try to diminish each other or focus on flaws or past mistakes.
-
You accept each other for who you are.
You know this person inside and out. You’ve seen their strengths and weaknesses. You know their personality and behaviors. You see your spouse or partner as an individual worthy of your respect and acceptance — not as a reflection of you or an extension of your ego.
You don’t try to change who they are or how they operate in the world. You may request behavior changes or negotiate priorities or decisions, but you never try to control or mold the person into who you think they should be.
-
You like each other.
Think You Have to Be Perfect to Have a Great Relationship? Solid, healthy relationships are grounded in friendship.
You simply like this person you live with.
You enjoy their company.
You have things to talk about.
You laugh together.
You make plans together.
You are honestly able to say that not only is this person your lover, life partner, and co-parent — he or she is your best friend. -
You quickly heal any rifts.
Should a relationship be easy all the time to be good? Of course not. There aren’t any perfect relationships.
Disagreements and hurt feelings are inevitable even in the best relationships. But it’s how you handle those rifts that make the difference in a solid connection and one that’s on rocky ground.
You may need to wait until your anger simmers down, and you’re both able to communicate calmly. But as soon as possible after a conflict, you come back together to discuss the problem, express your needs, and find a solution.
Think You Have to Be Perfect to Have a Great Relationship? Never sweep a problem under the rug or wait for days (or weeks) to heal the discord between you.
-
You look for ways to show your love.
It’s easy to become complacent with your partner once the initial infatuation phase has ended. The flowers stop coming and the little love notes no longer appear in your briefcase.
Once you feel secure in your commitment to each other, you allow these little niceties to fall by the wayside. But now more than ever is the time to up your game and show your partner how much you love him or her.
Complacency leads to boredom and feelings of resentment.
Resentment can lead to loss of respect and intimacy.
Think You Have to Be Perfect to Have a Great Relationship? Continue to infuse your connection with creative gestures of appreciation and affection to keep it fresh and exciting.
-
You practice active listening.
How many times have you and your partner had a conversation where one or both of you is looking at your phone or otherwise distracted?
During a conflict, how often are you thinking of the point you want to make while your partner is sharing theirs?Active listening requires more than just hearing your partner’s words. It involves listening with empathy — putting yourself in your partner’s shoes and trying to view the situation from his or her point of view.
Reflecting to your partner what you understood him or her to say and the meaning behind the words is also part of this type of listening. You validate and affirm that you really heard what was said without defensiveness or argument.
In casual conversation, it means putting down your phone (or any other distraction), looking at your partner, and engaging with him or her about the topic.
-
You give each other space.
Because you’re a couple doesn’t mean you are no longer individuals with your own needs, interests, and boundaries.
A healthy, easy relationship is one where both people respect and honor the selfhood of the other. You may each have different needs when it comes to having your space, but you work together to find a balance that works for you both.
Think You Have to Be Perfect to Have a Great Relationship? A relationship that is clingy or needy isn’t healthy. Both people need to feel confident in themselves and comfortable with independence — which in turn makes the relationship fresher and more interesting when you are together.
-
You have fun together.
Life is serious business so much of the time. Between work, kids (if you have them), politics, and bad news, it can be hard to carve out the time or energy for fun.
But remember when you were first dating and how much fun you had together? You didn’t care what else was going on in the world or in your own lives. You just wanted to be together and laugh.
Fun may not be as spontaneous as it once was, but healthy couples make the time for it. You don’t have to plan an elaborate outing. Pick up a couple of water pistols and go at it. Or put on some music and dance in your kitchen.
Think You Have to Be Perfect to Have a Great Relationship? If you’re laughing and enjoying yourselves, it’s good sign for your intimacy and connection.
Think You Have to Be Perfect to Have a Great Relationship
Review these 15 signs of a good relationship, think carefully about your own marriage or partnership and how healthy it is. Where do you see you and your partner in each of these qualities or behaviors?
What can you do to improve your connection and intimacy? Invite your spouse to read this article, and discuss the points together. Then make changes you both want to make to improve your relationship.
Remember, it requires both people to be committed to the health of the relationship in order for it to thrive.
If your partner resists, or if you feel resistant to improving the connection, then it might be time to visit a relationship counselor to help you navigate any issues between you and to create a plan for making your relationship stronger, closer, and happier.
Contact Dothan Counseling
Divorced but still living together
Divorced but still living together for financial reasons? It is not uncommon for a divorced couple to reconsider their decision and reconcile. In some cases, a couple may opt for living together after divorce. These couples, who are divorced but living together, mutually share the responsibility of parenting their kids outside their marriage. Questions often arise regarding whether there are any legal effects of cohabitation after divorce if the couples plan on living together after divorce.
First, it is important to state that it is not uncommon for divorced couples to decide to start staying together after divorce for a number of reasons, including minimizing disruption to the lives of the couple’s children or financial conditions that may prohibit a couple from moving out on their own. A couple may choose to continue to share expenses, and if they have children together, split child-rearing duties.
The legal effect of living together after divorce
Divorce laws are unclear about this. But, legal questions arise if the couple has children requiring one spouse to pay child support to the other parent or if the court ordered that an ex-spouse pay alimony to the other ex-spouse. When a divorced couple decides to start living together after divorce, the support obligation would be altered to reflect the fact that the person paying the support or alimony is living with the recipient and reducing their expenses.
In this case, any support or alimony obligations could be reduced or eliminated by consulting an expert alimony lawyer. However, this would require one of the interested parties petitioning the court to reduce his or her obligations
Beyond considerations involving child support and alimony, just as a divorced couple is free to cohabitate with whoever they want, they may also cohabitate together. Living together after divorce is a legitimate move that they can make. And there are couples who are getting divorced but staying together happily.
The only question which may arise involve situations where the post-divorce cohabitation relationship goes sour and the couple is forced to reconcile financial matters or reconsider child visitation schedules since one parent is no longer living in the home. In this case, if the parties are unable to resolve any disputes, the court would need to intervene in its capacity to handle post-divorce matters involving children.
An experienced divorce attorney can assist you when contemplating living together after divorce, as such, it is important to retain an individual skilled in providing advice on issues that can arise post-divorce.
The procedures of filing taxes during divorce and filing taxes after divorce is also something that you will need to figure out. Living with ex-husband after divorce does not mean that you will be able to do your taxes the way you did it when you were married.
Divorced but still living together for financial reasons
The emotional effects of living together after divorce
Can you live together after divorce?
Divorced, but living together is an odd arrangement. What makes it more uncomfortable is, being divorced and living in the same house where you were living as a married couple. Everything is the same, except that you are divorced. When you have been married and separated, maintaining relationships after divorce with your ex, their family and friends will be challenging. Being friends with an ex is hard enough, now imagine living with ex-husband or wife and being friends! This is going to be confusing and emotionally draining.
Divorce with kids is extremely difficult. It is more so when you are getting divorced but still living together with your ex-spouse! Think about how to prepare your child for divorce, when they see you living together and interacting with each other like when you were married. It will be hard for them to understand what is going on.
This arrangement of living together will either result in getting back together after divorce or that one of you will move out eventually when the bitterness gets the best of you.
Getting back together with ex-husband or wife
If you think about getting back together after divorce, statistics are rather gloomy. Only 6 percent of the total people who get divorced get remarried to the same person. Nevertheless, at least 6 percent population has got remarried to their divorced spouse, so if you decide to do it, you wouldn’t be the first one.
If you want to get answers to questions like how to stop a divorce or reverse it, that isn’t an option. Once you have got divorced you can’t undo it. Even if you want to get back with your ex-spouse, you will have to get remarried.
But if you make up your mind, after living together post-divorce, you want to get back together, then you can read on topics like- how to get your ex-wife back after divorce and tips to reconcile after divorce for help.