Do you attract the wrong kind of man? Men who are afraid of commitment or just want casual relationships without emotional investment?  You can save yourself a whole lot of time, and heartache, by being able to recognize these 5 signs he’s not emotionally available before getting too involved.

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1.  He’s already in a relationship with someone.

This may seem so obvious, but if he is in a relationship with someone else, he isn’t emotionally available for you.  No matter what he says, “I’m not happy…I’m going to leave her” …until he is actually out of the relationship, he is not emotionally available for you.

2.  He’s not ready for a relationship.

If he’s told you he isn’t ready for a relationship, believe him.  Don’t think you can change him.  Your feelings aren’t enough to make him suddenly want to be in a relationship and settle down.  He’s more likely to stay in the place where you found him.

3.  He’s self-absorbed.

If the focus is always on him, he isn’t going to have the emotional capacity to have a relationship with you.  If he is always looking out only for himself, then there is simply not going to be enough room for you.

4.  He avoids conflict.

If he isn’t able to address conflict in his life, he is not likely to be emotionally available for you.  Men who are uncomfortable with emotions such as anger and frustration are also usually uncomfortable with emotion in general.  While it is normal to want to avoid unpleasant experiences, you cannot eliminate or completely avoid an entire emotion without completely removing yourself from all emotion.

5. He can’t make a decision.

Having a hard time committing to things in general life is another sign that he is emotionally unavailable. Second guessing and being half-way into things means he is afraid of bringing 100% of himself to what he does. If he can’t commit fully to his career or even to his workout routine, how can he be committed to you?

Maybe after reading this article, you realize that you’re in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable man.  Remember that you cannot change him.  How you found him is likely how he will stay.  It is possible though that he can change and is capable of change, but this requires effort on his part and is not something you can do for him, and this change takes time.

So for now, it is up to you to decide if you are willing to be in a relationship with him the way he is.  Unless he decides to make changes, this is how it will remain.  If you decide to stay with him while he makes changes, be patient.  If you find that you need more from a relationship, be courageous to make the choices necessary to take care of yourself.

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"Peace of Mind and Connected Relationships" Kim Berry, LPC.

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Kimberly Berry, LPC

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