Handling Disagreements with your Partner. It is completely natural to have disagreements in a relationship. It’s how we handle those disagreements that results in either a happy, healthy relationship or one that begins to crack. Follow these guidelines the next time you face a difficult situation with a spouse, as it can help you fight fairly and get to the bottom of the disagreement.

Tips For Handling Disagreements with your partner

Resist making accusations or bringing up the past.

Bringing up the past will make your partner feel as though anything he or she does will be held against them at a later date.

When you work past an issue, really work past it, and attempt not to leave it in your back pocket for a later fight.

Making accusations may lead your partner to feel that no matter how often they do right by you, they will be accused of doing wrong.

In many cases, this can cause them to make poor decisions using your accusations as justification.

Watch what you say!

Threatening divorce or separation tells your partner that you are unwilling or disinterested in continuing to work on the relationship. It gives them the sense that you feel as though there is no hope, when you may not actually feel that way.

Even if you apologize, your partner will never forget the words you say. Keep this in mind as you argue and resist the temptation to call names and say things you can’t take back.

Don’t make ultimatums.

From ultimatums comes resentment, which can build over time.
If you want your partner to make changes, making ultimatums will not do the trick. For example, threatening your husband with divorce if he doesn’t accompany you to your mother’s house isn’t going to give you the result you want. You want your husband to accompany you because he loves you and wants to be with you, not because you threatened to leave him.

Take a break!

Before taking a break, tell your partner that what he or she is saying is important for you to process, you need some time to think. When you come back, you can start fresh. Don’t run out and leave them wondering where you are, especially if you have children. Be sure everyone feels safe and loved at home before taking time away.

While taking a break, really take the time to determine both your point of view and your partners. It’s not uncommon to be trying to get your own point across that you forget to hear what your partner is saying. You might surprise yourself if you give yourself time to analyze their point of view!

Compromise, Compromise, Compromise!

Every relationship takes compromise. We humans are very complex. With different personalities, likes, dislikes, values, etc., we are bound to disagree. Meeting your partner half-way can allow both of you to get what you want and need from the relationship.

Don’t jump to conclusions.

After a heated discussion, resist the temptation to conclude that your partner is still doesn’t understand you, wants to leave you, is having an affair, etc.

Many people require additional time to process the disagreement and may be taking that time, rather than giving you the silent treatment.

Don’t call mom!

It is vital that you and your partner work out your issues with each other or a counselor. Difficulties in a relationship can be exasperated when one partner feels they can not trust their partner to keep the problem between the two of them.

Parents will almost always side with their child. What will likely happen from calling your parents is that they will find faults in your spouse or significant other, leading to additional problems in the relationship.

Avoid drugs and alcohol

Turning to drugs and alcohol in the middle or following a fight can fuel the fire, leading to even more problems. It is important to keep a clear head and focus on the beautiful parts of your life and relationship instead of on the false belief that drugs or alcohol will make it better

Handling disagreements with your partner.

Not all disagreements can be resolved over night.

Give yourself a few days to calm down. Do something for you! Talk a walk, go to the gym, soak in the tub, listen to music or read a book. Once you are calm, try to remember what the fight was about from clear eyes.

What action needs to be taken now?

Are you willing to forgive, or ask for forgiveness?

What boundaries were crossed?

If the relationship feels damaged, discuss this with your partner to determine the best course of action, such as counseling or talking to a clergy member.

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