Preventing Infidelity: 3 relationship counseling tips to stop an affair before it starts
Infidelity brings couples into counseling more than any other relationship problem. These couples are in crisis and pain and do not know how to start repairing and rebuilding their relationship.
Some of the most common questions couples have are:
“How could this have happened?”
“How could I have prevented it?”
Without question, the most effective way to affair proof your relationship is to build strong, healthy communication. Having healthy communication cements your relationship in a way that nothing else can. It is much easier to prevent infidelity than it is to repair it and much less painful.
Here are 3 tips to get your communication skills jump started:
- Share your life with each other. Let your partner know what you are doing and how your day went. Include him or her in your daily life even if you do not think he or she will care. Sharing creates a powerful bond. Do not look at it as being under a microscope and having to “report in.” Instead, look at it as creating daily building blocks of trust, love and support.
- Express your thoughts and feelings. Holding in those little things that irritate you can quickly lead to resentment. When I hear someone say, “He’s changed” or “this didn’t bother her before”, I know this can mean that someone was not expressing feelings for awhile and not cannot hold it back. Besides expressing what is bothering you, also talk to each other about your dreams. You remember those, right? Talk to each other often about your passions and dreams. It cannot always be about the bills or shopping lists. Positive conversations create connection.
- Check your filter. How often do you have suspicious thoughts about your partner? Suspicious thoughts about your partner can be automatic when you are skeptical that an affair is happening. How does this affect your communication? You may have a thought that he or she is being unfaithful and lash out without any evidence that your thoughts are true. Instead of lashing out, talk to your partner about how it feels to you instead of how you believe you have been done wrong.
A few small changes can go a long way in building a loving bond of trust in your relationship. Your relationship is your most important investment. Do everything you can to nurture and help it grow.