10 seemingly harmless ways you damage your relationship. As a relationship counselor, I see how relationships are damaged in many ways. Some ways are very obvious, yet you may be surprised that it is the little ways, the harmless looking ways, that create real damage.

Harmless ways you damage your relationship

1. Acting like nothing is wrong.

You may even believe that you can pull this off, that if you pretend nothing is wrong, it will go away. The problem is that when you do not express yourself, you can quickly start to feel tension and resentment. Acting like nothing is wrong is a sure way to guarantee the issue will resurface.

2. Your families of origin are very involved in your lives.

It is wonderful to have a supportive family of origin. It’s so nice that your mom or sister-in-law are always willing to help out. It becomes a problem when your family of origin believes they are privy to the inner workings of your relationship. They offer advice frequently or worse, take sides, with your issues. Sometimes the amount of time you are with them is an issue. It’s important to spend time with your family but it’s vital to maintain time for your relationship and immediate family also.

3. Do we really have to do date night?

It’s easy to let date night go because you are tired or super busy but it’s vital and it does make a huge difference in your bond to each other. Family night is fun, but honestly, no intimate connection is happening between you and your partner with the kids in tow. Make date night a priority and stick to it.

4. Making time for sex only at bedtime.

Realistically, how sexual do you feel when you have worked all day, tended to the children, prepared meals, did laundry, etc, etc, etc. Your head hits the pillow and all you care about is dreamland! A healthy sex life is crucial for a healthy bond. Make it work, make the time to spend intimate, quality time together before you are exhausted. (Yes, even if there are still dishes in the sink.)

5.”I’m done!”

It’s exhausting to argue with your partner, especially about the same things over and over. But being quick to call it quits is extremely damaging. It sends a message to your partner that the relationship is not that important to you. Most importantly, you do not allow yourself to invest the work that needs to be done to improve your relationship.

6. You have every new technological gadget there is.

Great for you, not so great for your relationship. Spending large amounts of time updating Facebook, texting or emailing friends and family, playing games on your IPad or phone can cause a huge disconnect between you. Make a point to unplug and interact. Do a puzzle together, play a game of cards, take an evening walk…it will pay off.

7. We don’t have money or time for a couples vacation and a family vacation so let’s just go with the family vacation.

Not a good decision. Find a way to have a couples vacation, even if it is only for a couple of days. It will infuse your relationship with intimacy.

8. You don’t make time to spend with your friends.

You are an individual as well as a couple and parents. Time with friends is therapeutic in itself. It’s so powerful and gives you a chance to miss your partner and be excited about the time you have together.

9. It’s not a big deal if you don’t go to the gym or wear baggy sweats every night.

Not so! I know, you feel comfortable in your relationship and that’s wonderful, but not taking good care of yourself can send a message to your partner that you do not have to impress him or her anymore. Make an effort to dress up, put on some nice fragrance, get into better shape…these things matter.

10. You are so nice, you will say yes to anyone who needs you.

Harmless ways you damage your relationship. All of us want to be thought of as a nice person…sometimes, however, nice people give everything they have to others without saving anything for themselves or their relationship. A simple rule: give your best to yourself and your relationship, give the rest to others!

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